What's Happening Now

Since his last post "Kaaren" has been in and out of the hospital twice more.

It seems like every step forward leads to two steps back.

The doctors reassure me and I take him home, and in a day or two he's re-admitted.

It scares me.

Every time he comes home he seems diminished.

Smaller, weaker, less and less like himself.

He tries to be brave but all it does is make it all seem worse.

It's like a scene from a bad, tragic romance movie.

He can't do anything for himself at this point. My insurance, thank god, pays for a daytime aide which allows me to go to work. But I can't concentrate and the corporate sharks are circling. My superiors have assured me that my position is secure, but I'm sure that could change quickly.

I push all of that aside as I look at my sweet husband, looking so small and helpless, and my heart breaks a little bit more.

He's sleeping now. I know he feels bad when I cry but how can I help it.

He asked me to post an update over a week ago, and I wanted to, I really did.

Then he was back in the hospital again and his blogs were the furthest things from my mind.

He asked me about it today and I confessed that I hadn't done as he'd asked, he looked a little hurt and asked me to please do it soon.

I check on him all through the night, I make sure the oxygen tubes aren't tangled and that he's under the covers. It seems he feels the cold more than he used to.

And I feel the cold too, and I'm very afraid for him.

So there you have it.

Mrs. K